Conversations with God, sharing my testimony, dancing with Jesus and a demonic possession!
This week has been cray-to-the-zay and packed full of conversations with God… so get ready! Also, this post is pretty long so stick with me!
This week’s topic was Identity so I already went in with expectations of what I thought I was going to get out of it. The first couple of day’s lectures were nothing like I had expected, people were crying at the various videos shown (some are down the bottom) and I felt sad, but not really enough to cry. Throughout those days various people had shared their story with me and I found I was taking it personally on board.
I needed to get away from the 65+ people at the base and clear my head which was when I so clearly heard the Lord say “we’re going to have some fun.” I arrived at the beach and it reminded me so much of home. I dove in and felt that He was there jumping in the waves with me. A wave then came out of nowhere and dunked me under the water. A heap of water went up my nose and I tried to recover as gracefully as I could when my brain was filled with the saltiest water on earth (not scientifically proven, yet). God once again spoke. He said that if I stay focused on trying to recover from that one wave, I will be blinded to all other waves that come as well. Instead, I need to deal with recovering from the wave as it comes up so I can turn and face the others. It was a big smack in the face towards every aspect of my life where I hold onto metaphorical “crap.” Let it go and move on. This was the first time God and I had been in a conservation. I’d ask him a question and he’d respond. We spoke until I walked back which was around an hour.
Wednesday night was family night. Dinner had been set up outside in the courtyard with chairs for everyone. It was one of those internally-screaming-because-my-heart-is-so-happy kinda moments. Just seeing everyone together, chatting, laughing, and eating with great music was awesome. This was followed by a worship night where we had some guest speakers from other YWAM campuses. They too had ships and we managed to raise over $5,600 for one of them.
Thursday started off pretty normal, but my heart had changed drastically towards the lecture. The women shouted out what we admired/ truths about our brothers. Then it was their turn. One of the male leaders kept repeating “you are beautiful” in such a genuine way that I had never been told before and every time he said it, it felt like it was being nailed into my heart a little more. This was the first drop in my tear-river.
We also wrote out 2 lists; one of lies we had believed about ourselves and the other being counteracting truths which we were to keep for the evening. After the lecture I felt really compelled to share my testimony with the lecturer Joanne, which I did unsure of why at the time.
That night we had another lecture. We were asked to rip up our list of lies and put them in a box at the front of the room. As I was on my way to do this I felt the Lord say “I see you and I am so proud of you.” When I sat back down, one of the female leaders came up to me and said “God just told me to come and tell you He sees you. That’s it.” I instantly burst into tears, overwhelmed from such an instant confirmation.
Later on the men were invited to the front of the room by one of the male students and the women were asked to sit in the first few rows. We were surprised with flowers and a small speech of how underappreciated the women of today are. Each of the men took a flower and brought it to one of us with a compliment of their choosing; “You are loved” etc. I will admit I shed a few happy tears but then the hard part came…
After the men had returned to the front, the same “you are beautiful” leader took the mic. He got down on his knees and begged for forgiveness for all the men that had hurt us. This was hard… and not just the 1000-piece-jigsaw-puzzle kinda hard, the kind of hard that feels like someone has their hand inside your chest and is squeezing your heart and to make it worse, he got down on his face, completely vulnerable. The rest of the guys joined him on their knees and apologised for specific things.
“We’re sorry we didn’t protect you”
“We’re sorry we just looked at you as objects”
“We’re sorry we didn’t love you properly”
The list went on and with every apology I cried a little harder. Everyone was teary eyed and had obviously been hurt at one point or another. Though it took a while, I was able to say “I forgive you.” As the words left my mouth, I felt a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. We gathered with the men on the floor to pray then I was asked if it would be ok to share my testimony (which I will write a separate post for). It was the first time I’d shared my testimony to a group and gosh, did the flood gates open. It seemed to have some kind of power because most people were crying and later commended me on my courage/ bravery to share. Joanne then invited me into the middle of everyone (about 70 people!!!) to dance like a little girl with her dad (God). At first I was hesitant because I hate being publicly embarrassed with my terrible dancing but I was overcome with a sense of “you’re waiting for me.” So to the middle I went and closed my eyes, still crying. The ladies then began bringing their flowers up to give me a massive bouquet and I was overwhelmed with love and support. Once again I was alone in the circle, waiting. Then I just felt these arms wrap around me and I felt my wait was over. It was the “you are beautiful” leader. We started to dance and it literally felt like I was dancing with Jesus. A few people even mentioned they felt the same while they were watching. The song (We Dance by Bethel) was repeated and the men were invited to ask the ladies to dance. It was so surreal to see how my story had helped others begin a journey of healing and restoration. We prayed together once the song was over and thanked the Lord for what had happened.
The next day everyone else was given the opportunity to really believe the truths they had previously written down. It was so incredible to see everyone become as free as I felt/ feel. This is also where we experienced one of our YWAMers filled with a demonic spirit. He was on the floor for about 2 hours; paralyzed. He could barely talk or move and we gathered around to fiercely pray and cast out whatever was in him. It was a big wake up call for many to ensure we give the enemy no foothold in our lives and to show how real the spiritual world is.
- To have a supernatural love for people
- Motivation with assignments
- Have an open heart for God to use
- Die to my own wants/ desires to allow God to move within me
- To walk in humility
P.s feel free to message me any question! 🙂
VIDEOS OF THE WEEK